Cookie Jar

it was you, it was me, it was every man
weve all got the blood on our hands
we only receive what we demand
and if we want hell then hells what well have

Give it up for Jack Johnson everybody.
A man that's trying to clear the fog of confusion about this world that has gone too far.

In this song, cookie jar, he talks about how nobody wants to take the blame for any of the messed up things in this world that were obviously started by the evil nature of man.

(Trust me people, if you honestly believe that you are a good person, you are sorely mistaken in all sense of the word)

And Jack is right in that last line, we all complain about the hell that we live in but that's what we demand. We ask why there is so much hate in the world and how countries can't get along and just love one another. Well let's break this down into the indivudual people of a country.
Do you love everyone? have you ever done someone wrong? or gotten angry at something? been in a fight, had even an evil thought about someone that you didnt get along with?
well there you go, you have found the problem to all of the hate in the world.

YOU.

It all comes back to the indivdual person and how imperfect we are. This is an imperfect world and we have to learn to deal with that. We are never going to have world peace. i know this. because you cannot stop people from thinking and plotting evil things against one another. Even

if you rallied and gathered the people of the world and said, "let's be nice for one day!" it would be impossible. People cannot live up to that. something will happen that day that will upset someone. make them angry.
Many of us get angry for no reason. dont like certain people. When asked what about that person that we dont like...we cant find a purpose. except that we know that we have that hate and we want to add wood to the fire anyway we can.

Oh how the mighty have fallen! Step down from your pedistal men and women!
we are all evil people. some more so than others.

There is a hope though my fellow humans.
i'll explain myself at a later time.

Memory pool

Do you ever sense something that strikes a memory, in the dark recesses of your mind, that takes you back to a time in the past?


Your meandering throughout the mall and you walk by someone with a delectable smell on them and it instantly shoots you back in the past to an ex that had that same scent on him or her. You uncontrollably remember the most vivid memories of that said person.

That happens to me a lot when i listen to music.
certain songs i have to stay away from because they are ridden with bad memories.
they're like my version of the black plague. i break out with nasty boils, slowly dying. the works.

Others it reminds me of a certain place that i happen to be when i listened to it, or people i heard it with.
Funny instances, sad circumstances, angry outbursts.
it could spring forth any emotion in me.

When i listen to Ghost by My Chemical Romance, it reminds me of the days on base when i would jog around this circle in the pitch black. I remember how bright and radiant the stars would look out there. Orion was and still is my favorite constellation. i could always find it. He's what you might call my good luck charm =] that's right. i took a whole constellation for myself.
greedy? i think not.

Other songs, such as Through Hell by Say Anything or Only One by Yellowcard, remind me of my ex boyfriend. He was a whoooole mess of trouble for me. These songs i have to be careful not to listen to. It brings back too many confusing, crushing, painful, piercing memories to handle.

My point is that everyone has these kinds of experiences. We always mix our senses with our memories. its like the trigger finger of the brain gun. It can blow you away in some instances.

Humans sometimes ruin or enhance their experiences in life when they let these memories get in the way of the present things. It all depends on how we take things. Tramatic encounters happen all the time. Either move past it and get up off the floor or cling to it like a small clamouring child. we can take them in stride or against the grain.
Life wont be everything it could be if we let these little things define us.

You have a purpose. Dont let the bad part of the past hinder you from excelling into the future.
you have a hope and a future. everyone does.

And if the past does hurt, then learn from it. Or your personal history is doomed to repeat itself.
No one likes a copy cat.

Book Babble

"melodic satire laced with the basic human heart ache."

this is the phrase i would use to define The Spill Canvas.
or a similar band, Secondhand Serenade.

Both have their own specific style and form of delivering such tear jerking songs
but they both come back to the same roots of small boy with a heart too big.
A tragedy really.
but life always is.
carpe diem
or whatever you have left of it.

Now i just feel that i have the right to note here that i am quite the fan of an epic man.
that man's name is C. S. Lewis. I first fell in love with his work when i happen to stumble upon the Narnian Chronicles. Being a lover of books, i took to it like a fish out of water.
My Dad, always persistent in fufilling his life long dream of writing thru me, encouraged me to read some of his other literary accomplishments.

I finished Mere Christianity not too long ago, once i got use to his lingo and difficult sentences, i began to clearly understand and gained more knowledge of my own faith!
Now im going to work on reading his other material. =]
its sooo exciting!

"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?"

such as that.
so simple yet so profound.

But before i can get my hands on any more of this books, i have to finish a gazillion other. Such as don quixote de la Mancha!!
quite the literary tongue in that one. i can get soo into it though. very fanciful.

I also happen to be looking over my auntie's book. and i know she's reading this.
we need to just talk about your book. cuz i dont know how to express what i want to say on paper.
this, my dear friends, is why i shall never be an accomplished writer like my father dreams and hopes i shall be.

Well i dont know if i have bedazzled my audience with any sort of piercing light of intellectual genius, but i suppose that is not what i should aim for.

I am merely here to entertain my own thoughts and to witness what a wild mind can produce on digital pixal paper.

I shall retire for now.
enjoy auntie =]

My sunsets

Lacing up my worn nike shoes.
Placing the headphones precisely next to my eardrums,
modest mouse bleeds into my sound receptors.
secure the blue headband.
breathe....
i begin my steady pace
breathe in, out, in, out
faster now
i quicken my pace with the upbeat drums and spicy guitar chords
my father always next to me keeping my pace, whatever it may be.
just like a parental. always trying to keep up with their kin.
they can only do so much...i love them for it.

the cottonwoods shed their lyflings.
the soft fluffs flow past me in a current and rhythm all their own.
one brushes against my face tickling me.
the air smells of rich herbs and plant vegitation.
refreshing compared to the burned tire smells and grease of the ever present city
we follow whatever direction we choose on the concrete path that snakes its way around the park.
occasional bikers and other exercise fanatics are the only people come into contact with.
we swiftly pass.
In out in out breathe in out in out
one two one two
feet press onward
never failing
i dedicate this run to my creator
the only thing that keeps me going
he granted me my legs
i can never thank him enough

this is the only thing i live for in the day
this moment.
the scene blurs
the sounds collide.
children laughing
parents talking
breathing
" ...went to the porch to have a thought got to the door and again i couldnt stop.."
float on baby.
float on
pain springs into my lungs, piercing.
i never let this stop me.
it only spurs me onto finishing my mission.
push
"...my friends, my habits, my family they mean so much to me.."
mouse keeps me in beat
"..and the people you loved but you didnt quite know, they're the places that you wanted to go.."
this is me.

the run is almost over.
my heart thanks me.
but im not done working it.
i sprint the last 30 seconds.
my legs and arms pump to keep up with me.
breath is hard and heavy.
"time!" my dad yells behind me.
i slow my gate.
this is my passion.
the sunset bows for me as it slowly sinks behind the tree line.
i whisper Him a thank you
just one more day is a gracious thing.

<3